Relationships, Communication, and Attachment Styles

Relationships can be one of the most rewarding—and most challenging—parts of being human. They offer connection, support, and belonging, but when anxiety enters the picture, communication and closeness can start to feel complicated. At Soma House Counselling & Wellness, we help individuals, couples, and families understand how anxiety and attachment styles shape the way they relate, and how to create relationships that feel secure and authentic. 

Anxiety can make it difficult to feel grounded in relationships. You might find yourself worrying about what others think, needing frequent reassurance, or fearing that conflict will lead to rejection. When left unaddressed, these patterns can slowly erode trust and intimacy. Common signs of anxiety in relationships include:

• Reassurance loops: Asking “Are we okay?” often, or replaying conversations for hidden meaning. 
• Mind-reading & misinterpretations: Assuming someone is upset or withdrawing when they’re simply busy or quiet. 
• Conflict avoidance or quick reactivity: Anxiety can push you to shut down to keep the peace—or to over-explain, apologize, or defend yourself before there’s even a problem.
   

These behaviours are not failures. They’re protective responses—ways the nervous system tries to manage uncertainty or fear of loss.

Our early experiences with caregivers influence how we connect with others as adults. Understanding attachment can help explain many anxiety patterns in relationships:

• Anxious attachment: Craving closeness but fearing rejection; often hyper-attuned to others’ moods or distance. 
• Avoidant attachment: Valuing independence to protect against vulnerability; may pull away when emotions rise. 
• Disorganized attachment: Feeling torn between wanting connection and fearing it at the same time. 
• Secure attachment: Feeling safe, valued, and able to navigate closeness and conflict with balance.
   

These styles aren’t labels—they’re starting points for understanding. With awareness and the right support, attachment patterns can evolve toward greater security and trust.

At Soma House, we integrate trauma-informed and attachment-focused approaches to help you explore relationship anxiety from both the emotional and physiological perspectives. Together, we’ll identify triggers, unpack communication patterns, and strengthen your ability to stay regulated and connected during moments of tension.

Therapy may include:

• Attachment and relational therapy to explore how early experiences shape current patterns. 
• EMDR and somatic techniques to process memories or sensations that make closeness feel unsafe. 
• Communication and boundary work to build healthier, more confident ways of expressing needs.
   

Our goal is to help you feel safe in connection—able to trust yourself, communicate clearly, and cultivate relationships grounded in respect and care.

1. Pause before reacting: When emotions rise, take a slow breath and notice what your body is feeling. This helps you stay grounded and respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively. 
2. Name your needs using “I” statements: Clear communication builds safety. Instead of assuming what others think or feel, try expressing your experience directly. For example: “I feel anxious when plans change. Could we check in later?” or “I need a few minutes to process before we talk.” Using “I” statements reduces defensiveness and keeps the focus on understanding rather than blame. 
3. Challenge worry thoughts: Ask yourself, “Is there evidence that supports this fear, or am I filling in the blanks?” This helps separate emotion-driven assumptions from reality. 
4. Practise self-soothing: Gentle breathing, grounding, or briefly stepping away can regulate your nervous system during moments of tension, allowing for clearer communication and connection.

Healthy relationships begin with self-understanding. Counselling can help you move from anxious patterns toward confidence, communication, and connection.

Book a session with Clinical Counsellor Farnaz Farrokhi-Holmes, RCC, CCC—in-person in Nanaimo or virtually across British Columbia and other eligible provinces.