Anxiety in Divorce: Effects on Parents & Kids

Separation and divorce are among life’s most stressful experiences. The emotional upheaval, legal processes, and uncertainty about the future can leave both parents and children living in a near-constant state of anxiety. At Soma House Counselling & Wellness, we often help families navigate this transition with understanding and tools to restore calm, clarity, and connection. 

For many parents, anxiety during separation feels like an endless loop of “what ifs.” Thoughts race at night: Will my kids be okay? How will we manage financially? What happens if I lose custody? These worries can trigger sleeplessness, irritability, and a body that never fully relaxes. Over time, chronic stress can spill over into parenting moments.

In these heightened states, it’s easy—and completely human—to express frustration or despair in front of children with statements like:

• “Your mom/dad is taking me to court.” 
• “We might lose everything we have.” 
• “Your other parent doesn’t pay for anything.” 
• “I can’t do this anymore; I’m all alone.”
   

While these comments are often said out of fear or exhaustion, they can unintentionally pass the parent’s anxiety onto the child. Kids may feel unsafe, guilty, or pressured to choose sides. They might start to believe they are responsible for a parent’s sadness or the family’s stability.

Children don’t have the emotional tools to process adult conflict. Even when parents try to shield them, kids are sensitive to tone, tension, and changes in routine. They may show anxiety through stomach aches, clinginess, irritability, or withdrawal. Younger children often regress—struggling with sleep or separation—while older ones may internalize the stress, feeling angry or numb.

Hearing repeated adult worries can make a child’s nervous system go on high alert. The uncertainty of not knowing what will happen next—where they’ll live, how the family will change—can create deep fear and confusion. Without reassurance, that anxiety can shape how they relate to both parents, and even to themselves.

•  Keep adult issues between adults. Find a counsellor, friend, or support group to process stress rather than turning to your child for comfort. 

• Model emotional regulation. It’s okay for children to see that you have emotions, but try to stay grounded. Simple breathing, pausing, or a calm tone teaches them safety. 

• Use “I” statements. Replace blame with clarity: “I’m feeling stressed right now, but I’m taking care of it.” This reduces guilt and teaches healthy communication.
   
• Reassure consistently. Say, “Both Mom and Dad love you very much,” or “The adults are working things out; you don’t need to worry about that.”
   
• Create stability. Maintain routines for meals, bedtime, and transitions. Predictability helps regulate a child’s nervous system.
   
• Seek professional support. Counselling can help you manage anxiety, co-parent more effectively, and reduce the emotional weight children carry.

Navigating a separation or divorce can stir many emotions—grief, anger, worry, guilt, and uncertainty. These reactions are completely human. You don’t have to go through them alone or carry the full weight of keeping everything together for your family.

At Soma House Counselling & Wellness, we support parents and families in finding steadiness during life’s most difficult transitions. Through compassionate, trauma-informed counselling, Farnaz Farrokhi-Holmes, M.A., RCC, CCC helps both adults and children understand their anxiety, regulate their nervous systems, and rebuild a sense of safety and connection.

Whether you’re navigating co-parenting stress, adjusting to new family dynamics, or noticing anxiety in your child, support is available. Together, we can help your family move through this season with greater calm, clarity, and confidence.